Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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