he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
