I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You can't special order awesome
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
