The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
