i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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