I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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