im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
