I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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