I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
