I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
