I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
