What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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