I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
