went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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