is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
