Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
