I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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