girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
