Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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