i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
