Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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