I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
