yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
