I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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