I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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