K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
