no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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