I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
