4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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