you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
