i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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