i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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