you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
