how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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