somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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