I checked into jail on foursquare
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
