If that was your dad, he is hot
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
