After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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