best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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