she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
