If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
