Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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