Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The Olympian is in my bed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
