I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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