He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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