Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
that's an acceptable place to lick
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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