I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
