even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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