we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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