ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
