i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
