grandma shit on top of the toilet
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
