Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
