You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
